As a child we did not have a lot of money. There were many times that we would go to the store and my Mom would tell my brother and I no when we asked for something as small as a candy bar. We received clothes and gifts on our Birthdays, at Christmas and there was always the back to school shopping for new clothes. This was the only time we got things. Do I have bad childhood memories because of this, no, not at all. In fact, I certainly can appreciate my Mother more and all the hard work that it must have been to raise us as a single parent.
Then, if I feel this way, why do I feel like every time the kids ask me for something that I should buy it or they will remember me not getting it for their entire lives? Like they will be the ONLY kids out there without the newest version of a particular video game. How come they can flash those pitiful eyes at me and I melt? Am I creating complete monster children that will grow up to be complete monster adults? Is it fair to justify my purchases for them because they are honestly really good kids, they work hard at school. If I want something I buy it for myself, (within reason of course), so why should I not buy for them?
Growing up my house was always clean. So, did my mother set me up for anxiety over a clean house? I cannot keep a straight tidy house. It is not in my bones. I try, but I fail. We always had clean laundry in our drawers, am I setting my kids up for some bad childhood memories when they grow up and think back to having to dig through laundry baskets for a clean pair of underwear???? Or perhaps, wishful thinking here, they will be so done with living out of laundry baskets they will be obsessive to keeping their laundry caught up! Hopefully.
I never remember my mom coming home and being grouchy from a bad day at work. Surely she had to of....right? Are my kids going to grow up and remember horror stories of me coming home being grouchy and snapping at everyone? Will the happy times I spend with them, over rule the grouchy times?
Of course if I ask the kids, well, Mac will tell it like it is, which is why I choose not to ask, she might just hurt my feelings, but Chase will tell me exactly what he thinks I would want to hear, but if I could get into their heads, would they be excited about their childhood, or would they be so disappointed and feel like orphans cause we made them eat at home last night instead of Bojangles???? I guess I will never know, but I hope they are building fantastic memories everyday, memories that will make them smile as they are driving into work one day, or sitting at their desk, or as they watch their own children and they wonder if they are upholding the extremely big title of the "Memory Creator."
3 comments:
I think that can be incredibly daunting to think about how each moment can be something that they remember forever. I can remember my mother mentioninng something about my uncle's teeth in passing and remembering that she had said before that my teeth were just like his. Forever now I've hated my teeth. There are moments when we are going to mess up. Its a given really. There is going to be a memory our child has that is something that we should've not said or something we should've not done. However, I think when we start to think about items we buy them if we think back to our own childhood is there really a checklist of things that were bought for us? No. The things that I remember the most are those family moments. I think ensuring that we have those family moments is so important. I also remember my dad being at my soccer games.
All those meets that you go to. All those recitals you see. All those hugs you give. All those tears you share with them. All those words of wisdom (whether they want em or not) will be remembered. I think our job is to make sure we're doing as much as we can in ourselves and asking Him for help and forgiveness when we make the mistakes.
There are things that hurt my feelings growing up. However, my parents were/are amazing people and I truly feel that if I can do half the job they did I will be two steps ahead of the game. Just trust yourself :)
hahahah - we have the same fears about what kinds of memories are children will have.
Don't sweat it - you're doing a great job - If you have happy kids - they will have happy memories. It's human nature to remember the good when we look back on our childhoods. It would have to be really crappy for them not to fondly remember the good times - and there are lots of them - so don't worry!
Hey - I grew up with a high functioning alcoholic father and in all honesty, I remember all the good stuff. While my childhood was different than most people I knew, I also knew I was loved. That is what is most important, IMO.
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